My Heart

I'm often asked if it's been great having a newborn and while my answer is yes, I have absolutely loved it, it's been a bit bittersweet. The past 8 months have also been very hard - hard as I more fully realize the neediness of infants. It pains my heart that I wasn't able to be there for my other two. I feel so sad that they didn't have someone nurturing and taking care of them. And while I know that their caregivers did the best that they could and they loved our children (that was clear), the reality is that they couldn't possibly attend to every need. So while these months have been so fun watching Ty grow and develop, they have also deeply touched my heart. It has effected my parenting style and parenting decisions. I definitely tend towards attachment parenting and I know it's because of our experience in the orphanages and our experience now as parents of a newborn.

So you see, my heart has been heavy in the midst of joy. It has been amazing and I wouldn't trade our experiences for the world but that won't stop the sad realization of the months we missed and of the children now who are waiting. But I'm so thankful for each of my children and thankful that God knew when each of them needed to come to us. I'm thankful for their growth and development and the many, many moments we do get to enjoy!

And I hug my kids a little closer, spoil them just a little, and pray.

Birthday in Pictures!

The Birthday Boy - anxiously awaiting present time! :)

Who isn't excited by a pile of presents?!

Patrick watched as Calvin unwrapped the gift he choose to give him - 2 monster trucks. He was happy that Calvin wanted to share. :)

This was his main gift...

He started to realize what it was...

He was thrilled! After weeks of air guitar and using books, arms, elbows etc. as guitars, he now has one to play. He loves music and has been enamored with guitars especially!

The face of a happy musician.

The cake coming his way....

Blowing out the 4 candles.

A delighted boy!

The Orange Racecar Cake! I was pretty happy with the way it turned out but the real test was whether Calvin liked it - he chose a chocolate cake and I filled it with strawberry filling. Yum!

Calvin's 4!

Dear Calvin,

Can you really be 4? It seems like yesterday that you came into our lives and forever changed them for the better.

Calvin, you are an amazing son. You are affectionate and sweet. Every time you tell me that you love me, I melt even more. I love every single hug and kiss. And I love that you still like to sit on my lap and cuddle.

You have worked so hard this year on speech and wow, you have come such a long way! Your dad and I are so proud of you. You are learning so much at school and your teacher tells us you are doing well. You are artistic and creative and still a ham. Just recently you have really started to tease us and make jokes. One of your highest compliments is, "Mom, you're p[f]unny." Your eyes are constantly dancing with mischief.

This past year, you visited the beach for the first time and loved it! You also helped us welcome your baby brother and have excelled even more as a big brother. I love hearing the pride in your voice as you tell your friends, "This is OUR baby."

I am still in awe that God chose you to be our son. I cannot imagine our family any other way. I love you forever and always, no matter what.

Happy 4th Birthday, Calvin!

Love,
Mommy

Easter Basket Fun

Waiting to check out their Easter baskets...er...buckets!

Titus was totally in on the action. :)

Showing Great-Grandma how Pez worked and getting help re-loading it.

Pez was definitely a hit and I think everyone had an appetizer of grape or orange Pez candy. :)

Pippi, basking in the sun and enjoying all of the people!

The Desserts

While I missed getting pictures of our Easter meal, I did remember to pull out the camera and take pictures of the desserts. I liked doing "finger desserts" - it was nice and light for after a big brunch/dinner.

Mini Cheesecakes w/Balsamic Strawberries

Carrot Cupcakes w/Cream Cheese Frosting

Brown Sugar Shortbread w/Chocolate & Pecans

Lemon Cream Cupcakes w/Lemon Frosting

Easter - Updated

**UPDATED - No strep! I'm so thankful. It's just a cold/virus. All three of them have had it and a big praise, Titus' lungs have remained clear despite his nasty sounding cough.**

We all (amazingly) made it to church this morning and 15 of the 17 expected were at dinner. We have one that woke up from his nap with a fever but not feeling bad (after being well over 24 hours without one). Tomorrow, we head to the doctor. I'm concerned that it may be strep and I hope we didn't share - we would have cancelled or had it elsewhere if we had suspected he was still sick. Pictures hopefully to come! All in all, it was a really nice day and my boys looked super handsome in their matching outfits! :)

Looking Forward...

I'm starting the planning for some exciting things coming up!

A Nauryz Celebration - we will do this in a couple of weeks. I know it's past the actual time but we have been too sick lately to even think about doing it. We are planning to invite a few friends over to celebrate this traditional Kazakh holiday and I have several recipes to try for it! I can't wait!

Easter Brunch - this is the holiday I usually host for my family every year. My sister and BIL will be in town so I think everyone will be together. I like doing it as a brunch, I make a whole ham and then egg casserole, potato casserole, fruit etc. I love planning the menu, the table scape, place cards, and favors! I think I will be using green, blue, yellow, and maybe splashes of pink for this year.

Calvin's Birthday - he turns 4 in a month (how can this be?!)! I'm not sure how we will be celebrating but I know there will be an orange race car cake somewhere in the mix. :) We usually try to spend a day just as a family, so I'm really looking forward to that! I don't know if we will do a family party this year or not. Calvin has already ordered chocolate cake and would like some cars for a present - no surprise there!

I always get excited this time of year to start planning for the garden and the activities for the summer. Something about the sunshine and hint of warmth is just thrilling!

Anyway, hope you are having a blessed day!

Celebrating Seven

Seven years ago (this past Sunday - March 8), Andrew and I committed in marriage. We had no idea what the next seven years would bring but we entered into that covenant with great joy and anticipation. And while life has not always been easy and we have experienced deep pain that we never could have anticipated, we are so thankful that we are going through life together! So in honor of our seven years, I want to post a couple "top" seven lists.

7 Things I love about Andrew:
1) His commitment to the Lord.
2) His love for our sons.
3) His constant desire to demonstrate love in a way that commincates to me.
4) His faithfulness to his work and providing for us.
5) His support of my interests and love and tolerance of my quirkiness. :)
6) His amazing help when life gets overwhelming.
7) His sensitivity.

7 Things that Have Been Awesome in the Last 7 Years:
1) Our children - absolute #1 best thing!
2) Living in Florida for our first year of marriage.
3) Building and buying our first house together.
4) Our trip to Mexico (BC).
5) Our trip to Kazakhstan - amazing in a whole different way.
6) Learning more about each other.
7) Sharing passions and seeking to live out our lives as God would have us.

Can you believe that during our weekend away, we did not get one picture of us together?! Some things will probably never change - like our picture taking. :) We have LOTS of pictures of the kids and very few of us.

Anyway, happy anniversary to my sweet husband! May the next seven be even better than the first seven!

Blog Birthday

Well, I missed my 3rd blog birthday on Saturday. It came and went without fanfare - in fact, I didn't even remember. And honestly (as I think I mentioned a couple of weeks ago), I very seriously considered ending this blog last month. While I love blogging, I guess I hit a crossroads of sorts - I think it had to do with comparing myself to others or measuring relationships by unmeasurable blog things or feeling terrible that I don't write enough comments on others' blogs. I think I'm mostly out of my "blog funk" :) and this continues to be an incredibly creative outlet for me - something I truly enjoy and plan to continue.

Here are a couple of memorable-to-me posts from this past year:

Last year around this time I wrote: Several people have asked about our next adoption since I've mentioned it a couple of times lately :) - we are in the research stage right now. We haven't signed with an agency and haven't decided on domestic or international adoption; we just know that we would like to start the process again this year and we may or may not say when these things are underway. We expect that it could take 1-2 years. We are so excited to see God's direction and to begin anticipating another little miracle! We have been so incredibly blessed by our sons and we know they will make great big brothers when the time is right.

Early July, brought a new name for this blog, Meant To Be. I wrote: I decided that the blog has evolved enough from its start, that it needed a new name (although I admit I'm a little nostalgic about re-naming it :)) and a fresh-never-before-used look. After much thought, I chose the name Meant To Be but decided to keep Reflective Ponderings in the description. The new name has dual meaning for me. First, I believe in the sovereignty of God. In other words, that God is in control of all of life and that the things that happen in life (no matter how wonderful or how difficult) are meant to be. And second, I have no doubt that our family built through adoption was meant to be. We were designed to be together.

We had NO idea that in mere months from writing that first one, that we would be blessed with Titus. Within days of writing and introducing the name, we received the call. And one week later, I wrote to tell you that we would be parents again. We made many new friends through that amazing (though difficult and emotional) journey. We were so happy to be able to share many parts of that story/miracle with you.

Please know that I appreciate all of you, readers. I'm humbled that you stop in to my corner of the world and read what I have to say. You have rejoiced with me, encouraged me, and blessed me. Thank you.

So, Happy Birthday, Blog! Here's to another year!

Celebrating the Season

I'm always looking for some fun ways to celebrate Christmas. And so I thought I would share a few things we do and maybe some of you will share some of your traditions.

- Tree trimming party - we have a family party and decorate the tree, sing carols, and eat yummy food. :)
- New ornament - every year, the boys get a new ornament to put on the tree and it's added to their collection.
- Daily Advent Devotions - we have a felt tree with felt ornaments that the boys take turns putting on after we read a significant scripture.
- Christmas books - I wrap up a book for each day of December leading up to Christmas. One of them chooses the package for the day and then we read the book together.
- New PJ's - the kids are allowed to open one present on Christmas Eve - it's new pajamas to wear to bed. I love picking them out!
- Baking & decorating cookies - the boys think this is great!
- Hosting our annual Christmas Open House - we all enjoy celebrating with friends and it's a great excuse to make a lot of food. :)

So those are a few fun things we try to do. We also enjoy choosing a few ministries/organizations to support as a family - we hope the boys will understand this more in a few years. And this year, the boys will choose some gifts to give others. Do you have any fun ideas or annual traditions?

One of These Days...

...we'll all be healthy. :) I headed back to the doctor with Ty - he started wheezing and sounding much worse Saturday night. I could hear it in his lungs with my stethoscope. This morning I called the doctor and got an appointment - we don't mess around with respiratory illness once we hear wheezing etc. Anyway, they think it's probably viral especially since he doesn't have a fever but we'll keep an eye on him.

In the mean time, he has a chance to be introduced to the nebulizer :) - every 4 hours while he is awake. It will help and I'm glad that I took him in. I'm also really glad that we already have a nebulizer from Calvin's respiratory issues a couple of years ago. I filled the Rx for the baby dose and we are settled at home. No more gatherings for awhile - he attended 5 different events and was held by countless people who love him. Which, while fun and enjoyable, was probably too much for such a little guy. Oh well, live and learn and we were happy to see everyone! :) We'll take it easy this week and recover.

Andrew won't be home much due to work so it will just be the boys and me. Time to get caught up on laundry and dishes and start preparing for our annual holiday open house. The open house will be Friday, Dec. 19, 6-9p. at our place. We would love to have you so feel free to stop in!

And I'm Back...

What a week. It included an ER visit. It included too much eating. It included lots of family & friends. It included travelling. It was a lot - perhaps too much. I'm tired. I think I need a week to recover. :) More to come...

Happy Thanksgiving

When I reflect on the many graces of God in my life this year, I'm simply amazed. I am so undeserving and so humbled. It's not just the big blessings (like my family and the best suprise ever in Ty) but it's the small things - the prayers answered, the provision of more food, a nicer home, and better clothes than we really need and so many other things. I thought about making a list but I didn't even know where to begin and I knew I would leave so much out. So instead, I sit here treasuring with great joy and gratitude all these things. And while this year has not been without pain and loss, we feel so thankful for God's faithfulness.

And know, dear friends and readers, that you have blessed and enriched my life this year. May your homes be filled with good smells, yummy food, wonderful family & friends, and reflections of all blessings big and small.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Well, I'm off to clean, bake, plan, and spend time with family and friends for the rest of this week. I can't wait! Maybe I'll even take some pictures to share with you next week! Oh and that's my big, incredible family pictured above for which I'm so thankful!!!

Open House Pics!

I, of course, did not take nearly as many pictures as I hoped. In fact, we have virtually no pictures of the people who blessed us by coming to celebrate with us! We had about 50 people stop in (adults & children). It was so much fun!

The 3 brothers before it started - they couldn't wait for a party and as Calvin said with his hands outstretched, "All, ALL the people!"

Me with the man-of-the-hour. My hair was a little damp from my last minute shower. :)

The Food Table

Our menu: BBQ Pork Sandwiches, Macaroni & Cheese, Veggies & Dip, Apples & Bananas, Heart-Shaped Jello Jigglers, Tortilla Chips & Salsa, Potato Chips, Molasses Cookies, Iced Sugar Cookies, and White Cake w/Strawberry Mousse Filling.

The BEAUTIFUL cookies my mom made. She surprised us by decorating them all - it made me get a little teary. They were so cute and it was so thoughtful! They tasted as good as they looked!

The Cake - I love how it turned out!

The boys with one of their friends. I realized we've reached a whole new level of independence - the boys took all their friends upstairs to play with the toys. We barely saw them except when they wanted more food :) or when we checked on them. They had a blast!

Uncle Noah & Uncle Wesley with Patrick and one of our friend's little ones.

Our friend, Heather, loving on Ty. He was passed around and didn't mind at all.

Our family photo that arrived on the door step on Saturday. I had won an 11x14 print of a photo of my choice and had no idea it would come then! My dad took the photo (you've seen it before) and I sent it to a lady who touched it up, blew it up, and mounted it for framing. We are thrilled with it!

The five of us at the end of the evening. We were tired but it was worth it!

The star of the show. It seemed like he knew it was all about him - he worked so hard to stay awake. :) He took a couple of cat naps during the party but he loved all the attention and was a perfect angel. :) Oh and he slept for 10 straight hours afterwards (he's never slept more than 7) - I think we wore him out! His 3 month pictures are on the boys' blog.

Thoughts as We Celebrate

Today is a big day - not only is it Ty's 3 month birthday and the open house celebrating his official adoption into our family (pictures to come for both!) but it is also National Adoption Day. We did not plan it all to be on the same day but what a happy coincidence! In light of the latter, I would like to share some statistics.

Did you know? (italicized info from here - thanks, Michelle S.)

- Every 15 SECONDS, another child becomes an AIDS orphan in Africa. 1
- Every DAY 5,760 more children become orphans.
- Every YEAR 2,102,400 more children become orphans (in Africa alone).
- 143,000,000 2 Orphans in the world today spend an average of 10 years 3 in an orphanage or foster home.
- Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but…
- Every YEAR 14,050,000 children still grow up as orphans and AGE OUT 4 of the system
- Every DAY 38,493 children AGE OUT.
- Every 2.2 SECONDS, another orphan child AGES OUT with no family to belong to and no place to call home.
- In Ukraine and Russia 10% -15% of children who age out of an orphanage commit suicide before age 18. 60% of the girls are lured into prostitution. 70% of the boys become hardened criminals. 5
- Many of these children accept job offers that ultimately result in their being sold as slaves. Millions of girls are sex slaves today, simply because they were unfortunate enough to grow up as orphans.

Reliable statistics are difficult to find, even the sources often list only estimates, and street children are rarely included. But even if these figures are exaggerated by double, it is still an unacceptable tragedy that over a Million children would still become orphans every year, and every year 7 Million children would still grow to adulthood as orphans with no one to belong to and no place to call home. They are totally vulnerable and easily fall prey to predators and slave recruiters.

1. http://www.habitatforhumanity.org.uk/current_appeal.htm
2. According to figures from the United Nations. These statistics include children in the American Foster Care system
3. This is an estimate. Infants may stay as long as 18 years while children who become orphans at an older age stay a shorter time.
4. To AGE OUT means to grow to the age where a child is forced to leave the orphanage or foster home with no place to call home.
5. http://www.hopefororphansoftheworld.org/

There are so many more children waiting to be adopted than families willing to adopt them (though perhaps not infants). The number of children in U.S. foster care alone needing homes is staggering, plus there is a need for families to open their lives and homes to minority and special-needs children (all races, regardless of physical and mental health, are often considered special needs if they are older). There are also countless precious little children in orphanages and foster care around the world! While adoption can take awhile, it's often due to the required paperwork, homestudy, education, and legal requirements - not always due to lack of available children.

Andrew serves on the board of a local agency and they are working hard to advocate the adoption of minority children. When we've talked to local agencies and attorneys, we have been told many times that if we are open to race, placement is usually quick (often 3- 6 months) - for a newborn. We've also looked on our state's waiting children list and read what these children would like - a pet, a family to take them to church, to be adopted with their siblings etc. - they long for a family and it absolutely breaks my heart. And while adopting an older child is not what God has called us to at this point, we are open to His leading.

There are children waiting in every state and there are not enough families. I've also heard this statistic (though don't have the originating source) - if 7% of Christians would adopt one child, there would be no more orphans.

We will spend today celebrating adoption and marveling at God's gracious gifts to our family. We praise God for adopting us as His children and for His love for orphans everywhere. And we will pray earnestly for children still waiting - born and yet to be born - for families to love them and raise them. This is my heart, my passion, my desire. To God Be The Glory!

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing… even as He chose us…In love He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace….
Ephesians 1:3-6

A Few Wedding Pictures

Some of these aren't the best but oh well. It was a wonderful celebration and a gorgeous day! I often don't have a chance to take any photos so I'm glad to have a few!

Okay, definitely not the best but we are all dressed up. :)

Nana & Papa reading to the boys while waiting for pictures.

Titus' main activity throughout the event. :)

A rare picture of all seven siblings...we were looking at the actual photographer.

Us - married 6 1/2 years

Liz & Luke - married 1 1/2 years

Stephanie & Jeremy - married 1 month

The handsome groom & beautiful bride, Elliot & Ashley - married 1 day

Our 2nd Gotcha Day!

Little did we know two years ago (well even 3 months ago!) that we would add another beautiful boy to our family. Three boys! Our hearts overflow with love and thankfulness. We had a great time taking pictures to commemorate this day.

We spent the day celebrating! Andrew took all three of the boys out to breakfast - he was very brave! :) I appreciated the extra rest - I am so blessed to be married to such a thoughtful, loving man. All the boys had a GREAT time! After the boys rested, we headed to the local living history museum to visit the animals and enjoy the historical areas. We had an ice cream treat and the boys each chose a slate and soapstone from the gift shop. They were so pleased to be there - running all over the place with uncontainable excitement. :) The weather was so perfect and made for a really delightful trip. Here are a few pictures from the museum:

Our friends, Jennie and Darrin, hosted a party today to celebrate milestones for their family so we ended our day by stopping in to share in their joy! The boys were thrilled to go to a party. :)

It was such a wonderful day of reflection and family time - we love telling the boys their story and they loved that this was their special day. :) We truly cannot express how blessed we are. When we began the process to adopt from Kazakhstan, we had no idea where the journey would lead us; we could not have asked for more perfect-for-us children. We knew when we married that we wanted to adopt some day and we are so incredibly thankful for God's perfect timing and clear leading.

On this day, I especially remember the women who gave birth to our precious boys - how I wish I could thank them and let them know that Calvin and Patrick are doing great. I wish for them to know how much we love the boys and what a happy family we are. I wish for them to have peace in their hearts with the knowledge that the boys are taken care of and loved. I wish for Calvin's birthmom to know how great he looks and how brave he was. I wish for them to know that we think of them and that we love them for the tremendous gift we have been given.