Thoughts

It's been kind of a weird month for me. So here are a few of the random thoughts floating around somewhere in this tired brain.

- I've found myself frustrated and burned out on homeschooling - I think it's the time of year. We are in our final few months and we are in our final 4 weeks of our homeschool group. We keep pressing on though and the boys have made great progress this year! I love the curriculum(s) we are using and overall I have enjoyed homeschooling far more than I ever imagined. We continue to take it one year at a time and that works for us.

- My Grandma's death has still just been a really hard thing for me. Tears sneak up when I least expect them, my voice catches and throat tightens. I still hear her voice, her advice, her laugh and I still feel her soft, cool hand. She would have been 92 this past weekend. I don't wish her back - she is in a better place - but I think the reality of it is sinking in by stages and it's incredibly painful. I haven't even been able to think about writing much because I just think of her - she was a gifted writer and encouraged me to blog.

- We are actively praying that God will lead us in how He wants us to be involved in orphan care. We sense that He is not finished growing our family. I am daily overwhelmed by the need, convicted of my responsibility to continue advocating, and challenged to never give up. Admittedly, I struggle with feeling like so few understand the urgency, the tremendous need, the epidemic, the responsibility. As I've told my husband many times (and he agrees) - we can offer love, a family, safety, and most importantly the Gospel to ANY child.

I wrote this on fb today: I think if we walked in an orphan's shoes for just a short time, our eyes and hearts would be incredibly opened. I can't even imagine my big boys' first year...and millions (est. 163,000,000) of children haven't found families. As my heart breaks, I can't help but continually ask God what more I can do...

This is our prayer. What can we do? We continue to ask and seek and remain open to God's leading.

Grandma's Recipes

In case you are interested (and don't follow us on facebook), we've been sharing some of our Grandma's Recipes over at The Cooks Next Door. My sister and I have both wished we could talk to her about her recipes - she wrote out the ingredients on many recipes but not the instructions. She was just that good of a cook! It's been a little trial and error for us. :)

It's been fun to look through her recipe box, imagine her pulling out her favorites, and wondering what she made most recently over the holidays. She made tiny notes about the ones she really liked which is wonderful to stumble upon. I happily remember delicious meals in her home and some really excellent cookies.

These are so delicious! A family tradition that originated with Grandma!

It has been a joy for us to make and post her recipes as a tribute to a beautiful, inspirational person inside and out. We love you and miss you, Grandma!

Superbowl!

We headed to Superbowl Village yesterday afternoon! We all enjoy football, so our boys were very excited to join in the festivities. What fun! So proud of our city - they have done an amazing job. Hoping the GIANTS win - we are definitely Manning fans! :)

Love this pixture...even if the number ARE backwards - we had one on the other side of just the boys and me but it didn't turn out nearly as well.

Love





How Do You Say Goodbye?

On December 28, I visited with my Grandma and Grandpa. Amazing people and I was so glad to see them. I told my grandma about what I terrible mom I was in accidentally misinforming my youngest about his doctor's appointment and we laughed together. I told her I loved her and how glad I was to see her and how our Christmas card should be coming soon because I was super late sending it to them. I hugged her and told her I would see her later. She was tired but good. One week later, she sent my boys a sweet hand written note thanking them for the Christmas cards they had made them.

Today, we buried my Grandma. I would give anything for one more conversation, one more hug, a few more pictures. One week ago, her health declined and suddenly she was gone. It's been one of the worst weeks. The grief is intense. The reality is that I was never going to be ready to say goodbye. Her impact on my life is profound.

My beautiful grandma was the mom of 5, grandma of 21, and great-grandma of 36. She knew each of us well - she spent time with each of us, she wrote us letters, and she prayed for us. She loved her family, she was proud of us.

I have so many wonderful memories - homemade playdough, delicious food, lots of games (she was an awesome card player!), summer blueberry picking, fun picnics, and thoughtful letters and gifts. She exuded warmth, was always interested in what you had to say, and was always honest. Grandma was a woman of many talents but she was also incredibly humble.

Grandma and Grandpa were married for 69 years. A true example of love and commitment. They taught us by example. They loved each other well. They took care of each other. They continued to learn and grow in their marriage and shared that with the family.

One of the most beautiful things to me was her (and Grandpa's!) unconditional love and acceptance of our children. They were excited about our adoption plans and welcomed our children into the family. My grandma read them stories, played games with them, and made them feel every bit as special as she made me feel. We had a few extra opportunities to stop and visit with our treks to Chicago for Calvin's cleft team appointments and surgeries - super thankful for that. She was always interested in how Calvin was doing. Our boys loved her.

I hear her voice and laugh, feel her touch, sense her presence. I look in the mirror and see the green eyes that we shared. She probably would have hated all the fuss today but she would have loved everyone being together. As I witnessed my grandpa telling her goodbye, saw her gorgeous face one last time, heard her words through her journal, and watched her 9 grandsons care for her one last time as pall bearers, I wept. The tears have come all week. The finality. My heart feels broken. I loved her SO much. I miss her SO much. Life will go on but it won't be quite the same.

She was one in a million. I'm thankful to be her granddaughter. I'm thankful for the amazing legacy and heritage.

I love you, Grandma. Thank you. You lived a gracious, faithful life. You inspired and challenged me. You ran the race, you finished well. See you later.

Alive & Well :)

I wish I could get back in the blogging groove! We've had a busy fall.

Last week we enjoyed a week away at a cabin. It was quiet and peaceful and just what we needed. I took precisely zero pictures and Andrew took maybe six. We saw our first snow of the season which excited the boys - me...not so much. :) We visited a chocolate factory and enjoyed some delicious treats. And we went on one hike (it was a prairie maze) and went to one museum. We also visited with my sister and brother-in-law and some very good friends. I read Jane Eyre for the first time and loved it! It was a delightfully rare treat to be able to read so much - something I enjoyed so much when I was younger and find tough to squeeze in amidst everything (I tend to fall asleep two pages into reading at night :)). All in all, a great week.

I'm very excited that The Cooks Next Door re-launched this week. After a hiatus since mid-August and several conversations as well as a weekend retreat, Steph and & I decided to change some things and to bring it back to life. We are posting daily between now and Thanksgiving and then planning for 2-3 new posts/week after that. We also are tweeting (@cooksnextdoor) (I'm working hard to understand Twitter a little more) and we started a facebook fan page - you can "like" us here. I'm looking forward to collaborating with Stephanie - we will be bringing you all types of recipes including seasonal, simple, gluten-free, vegetarian, and more.

Well, we are back to reality this week and getting ready for the start of the holiday season - can you believe it's already here?! I'm busily cleaning and recovering from vacation while starting to think about all of the baking and cooking for next week. I love the cozy, warm feelings that the holidays bring to our home.

Any plans for you, readers? Are you baking, cooking, hosting? Any great recipes? I'm hoping to try a sweet potato pie with bacon this week!

The 5K!

Saturday was a gorgeous day in Tennessee for the 5k! We over 100 participants - some familiar with Two Hearts for Hope and some who were not. I love the fact that we reached more people and spread the word! The race was awesome, the kids' race was adorable, and the time with old and new friends was priceless.

We are so excited that we raised nearly $8,000 for the window project in Ust! What a blessing to be working towards a healthier, better home for the many children in that baby house. It's not too late to donate - you can go to the Two Hearts website and make a donation online or mail it!

Special thanks to all of you who sponsored our family - I'm proud to say that all four of my men finished and Patrick was a top finisher in the kids' race! We raised $260! The boys are always so proud to be a part of this event and so aware of and concerned for "kids who don't have parents." We feel honored and blessed to be involved with Two Hearts.

(Pictures to come when we download them tonight!)

An Orphan's Hope 5K

I guess I rely on facebook a little too much and I forget to mention things here. Anyway, An Orphan's Hope 5K (formerly Walk for Kaz) is this coming weekend in TN! We are so excited to be a part of this second annual event. It's not too late to join us!

What I love is that all of the money raised will go towards Two Hearts for Hope Window Project. The windows in this particular baby home are awful. The babies and children who live there are sick from the drafts and cold in the freezing winters. Will you consider helping us to help with this great need? Any amount will be a blessing and bring this huge project closer to completion. We so want these children to have a warm, safe, and healthy place to live.

We would love for you to join us or to sponsor/support our family for the 5K! You can paypal on the Two Hearts site and reference the 5K and our family or you can send a check to us our Two Hearts. All five of us will head down to participate - well, I will be helping to run the event and Andrew and the boys will be walking!

Thank you for considering partnering with our family!

Our boys have raised our awareness and challenged us to keep making a difference in the lives of the many children left behind.

So thankful for the boys entrusted to us!

Remembering & Celebrating!

Five years ago, we were in the final week of our month long stay in the beautiful country of Kazakhstan. It had been a challenging and wonderful adventure and we were navigating our first days of parenting our new sons. We had one son who was terrified, timid, and unsure but slowly emerging from his shell and letting us see his personality and another son who was sick, starving, malnourished, confused and a clown. 

October 4, 2006, the judge had granted our request to adopt Calvin and Patrick; October 5, the boys met for the first time and left their respective baby homes. The first night was a dream, my mommy heart was so full and so in awe. We boarded a plane for Almaty the very next morning - the boys had already been stretched far beyond the walls they had known for the first year plus of their lives.

We spent ten very difficult days in Almaty - new parents, grieving and scared children, no translator (most of the time), no transportation other than quite literally waving down rides (which we did many times - sometimes they were taxis, often they were just kind strangers), and no idea what the boys were used to eating. We lost 10+ pounds a piece as we struggled to be the best parents we could be and used many Nursat cards to connect to family at home for prayers and advice.

It was perhaps the happiest and lowest point of our journey. We were SO glad to be the parents of the sons we knew were ours but we were SO exhausted and overwhelmed. On October 15, We were sad to say goodbye to a country we had grown to love but we were so ready to be home. It was an emotionally draining 27 hour trip home.

We've had our ups and downs over the past five years - isn't that just the way parenting is? :) However, we would not change our journey, our gifts from God, our experience, and our eyes and heart being opened (and stretched) in life-changing ways. Not one bit. We can't imagine life any other way! 

Adoption was always part of our plan - little did we know just how amazing it would be. Our boys, our sons have rocked our world. We love them with all of our hearts. Our lives are full.

We celebrate five years with a little bit of disbelief (where has the time gone?), with a lot of joy, and with more love and happiness then we could ever imagine.

The boys chose (for this momentous family day) to play at a park, go for a short hike, and enjoy an all-american dinner (cheeseburgers, fries, macaroni & cheese, salad, grapes, and blueberry cake with ice cream - all their choice :)). Andrew and I enjoyed reflecting on these blessed years of being their parents, of remembering the journey that brought us all together, and of anticipating the furture.