Thursday, March 26, 2015

On Being an Introvert

My sweet man gets me. 
There is no surer way to have your introvertedness confirmed than to be completely intimidated by a new Facebook's online for crying out loud. I have the privilege of previewing and reviewing Jen Hatmaker's newest book (coming out in August) and with that came a fb group of other reviewers - there are 500 of us. I have to laugh that even online, I want to hide in the corner. :) Not because I'm uninterested, not because I dislike the lively conversations, not because I feel left out...because it's just too much socialness. (Of note, I have now used two 'ness words that have failed to meet with spellcheck's approval. :)) But seriously, I am so THRILLED to be a apart of the Launch Team!

My tendency towards being introverted has only solidified and deepened over the years. Even with people I've known forever, I sometimes find it hard not withdraw. We had a fabulous women's retreat with my church a few weekends ago and I enjoyed it, but I was so tired afterwards because, well, it's just a lot of social. When I walk into a room, I tend to go towards someone who I know well and who feels safe to me. It's not a reflection on anyone else in the room, it's simply my coping mechanism.

I'm private, I'm easily intimidated, and I don't have a high need for social interactions. I'm working on this because I know I come off as standoffish sometimes. I'm better one on one, but even that can be challenging for me. I also despise conflict and aggressive disagreement - they make me extremely uncomfortable and I will frequently escape or shut down in those situations.

The thing is...I love people. I care deeply. I am committed.

So, if you see me quiet or alone or talking to my family, it's probably because I'm feeling insecure. Be assured, I love you, I care for you, and I will happily talk to just might need to initiate sometimes...or maybe a lot. I'm a work in progress - aren't we all? My life experience has only intensified my tendency towards privacy and silence.

The truth? My extroverted children exhaust me. By the end of the day, I need to be alone for a little while. My ears are tired and the constant interaction is exhausting. But I love them with all of my heart and I wil get up and do it all over again. My husband is also an introvert, but less so than me. He is so good at being sensitive to my need for alone time and I'm thankful!

I'm okay with being an introvert - I think it takes both introverts and extroverts for the world to go 'round. :)

1 comment:

Lana Joy said...

I wonder if we polled the whole cousin pool, how many of us would agree with your statements here 100%, 90%, 80%, even 70%.

I'm with you, Alaina!