Blogging has been like pulling teeth lately. I just haven't had the interest or desire. I struggle with whether to continue or whether to just give it up - after all, it's been a good run. And then I realize that one of the main reasons I do it, is for my kids and that's what keeps me coming back - I want them to have some written records and journals.
I think that the first half of 2010 has been one of the toughest years I remember in long while - I know many people who have it worse but it has been very difficult. There are many, many things that play into that - much of which we have not chosen to share here. We have struggled with health, challenging decisions, heartache, loneliness, and then the general inconveniences in life - like the smoke damage. I find myself withdrawing when I have trouble being positive and not complaining. And instead I've chosen to focus on the blessings - especially my husband and kids.
The truth is, I regularly struggle to actually connect with other women in our area - I don't feel I have much in common with them, I feel incredibly lonely in the passion and heart God has given our family, and I often feel judged for different decisions we have made as a family. I recognize that some of this is definitely my own fault and my own perceptions but some of it is not. It's discouraging and sometimes makes me feel alone.
Our blessings overflow even in the midst of challenge. Our sons bring us so much joy. And God has provided us with the perfect jobs for us, a comfortable and nice home, plenty to eat, and much, much more. And in the midst of loneliness, I have also been blessed with some amazing friends. And so I seek to rejoice, to see the blessings, and to know what God desires of me.