Learning to Love

Lately I've been considering what it means to truly love my children. And how I can express that in a way that communicates to them. In many ways, it's easy to love them - they are my children, plain and simple. They are a part of me, they became a part of this family because of our marriage. And they are precious gifts from God. Even with all of that, I've been pondering how I can love them better and how I can more effectively give them confidence in my love.

I was challenged at our monthly mom's night out last week to think again about the five love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch - books and concept by Gary Chapman). It is something that I actually think about frequently but more in my relationship to my husband. As I started thinking about how my children communicate love and what that tells me about them, I realized this was the key to learning to love my children better and more fully.

Little did I know just how much this would effect my children. At this point in their lives - Calvin's love language is physical touch, Patrick's is a toss up between quality time & words of affirmation, and Titus is a bit young yet to tell. :) This past week, as I have focused on loving my children the way they love (not necessarily my personal love language), it's been a blessing. I'm seeing them with different eyes and learning to love them in a new way. Their response has been one of increased affection and communication. It's a beautiful thing to see.

Being a mom is a privilege - one I try never, never to take for granted. God has entrusted these children to my (our) care. It is a blessing - they are a blessing. I love them with everything in me and learning to love them better makes me want to burst with happiness. I pray God continually teaches me how to be the wife and mom He wants me to be and that I will always have a teachable heart.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13:4-7

The Joys of this Week

While this week has had its frustrating and upsetting moments for which we are praying for wisdom on how to proceed (there is no resolution just more stress), I would be remiss to not focus on the joys. So here is a small, incomplete list of the many joys of this week:

- Patrick telling me a meal was, "dewicious, Mom."
- Chinese food and a movie at home with my husband - the older boys were invited out.
- Both boys increasing recognition of letters and interest in the words that start with them.
- Titus looking into my eyes and smiling after I kissed him.
- Titus sleeping 6 hours.
- Calvin falling asleep on my lap while I rubbed his back.
- Dinner out with a good friend.
- Talking about and looking at pictures of Calvin & Patrick's adoption journey - with them.
- Seeing their delight and hearing there age-appropriate understanding that they were born in my heart and not my tummy.
- Titus laughing.
- Patrick telling me he loves our family because he lives here. :)
- Calvin praying.
- Andrew pitching in and encouraging me as we get ready for the weekend.
- Patrick telling me he has candy for me in hopes of getting some for himself.
- Understanding more and more of what Calvin says.
- Time with sisters.
- My awesome husband - I can't even begin to count the many ways he has blessed me this week.
- Receiving giveaways in the mail.
- My older boys adoring their baby brother, "Mom, I want to sit by Ty."
- Meeting the newest member of the Thompson family.
- Reading books with my boys.
- Calvin smothering me with kisses one morning.
- Knowing that I am the "lucky one."

This week has definitely had more joy than frustration as does pretty much every week and every day - I wonder why I often allow frustration to overshadow joy. I have so much to be thankful for. God is good all of the time. The trials I have experienced pale in comparison to the suffering of Christ and to the suffering of many others. I have been overwhelmed and close to tears this week feeling blessed with my incredible sons and husband. I need to focus on joy, pray for wisdom, and walk closer with my Lord. May you have a blessed and joy filled day.

His Ways

Lately, I've not been feeling very successful at anything. I'm struggling to keep the household running and feeling inadequate as a wife and mom. It's been compounded by the fact that I have been sick for two weeks (I'm finally feeling better). The adjustment from two to three while awesome has been very challenging. Ty is a content baby for the most part and the older boys adore him it's just that I don't have enough arms, I'm exhausted, and I feel I'm being pulled in a million directions never making everyone happy. I recognize that we have a seven week old (I wouldn't change that for the world - we adore him!) and that we had very little time to prepare for his arrival but I still feel discouraged with the disorganization, lack of motivation, and general tiredness.

Yesterday, I ventured out with all the boys because we needed a birthday gift for last night as well as formula and other baby things. It took me most of the day to be up for this trip (the last one of this sort was rather disasterous) but finally we headed out. As I talked with the boys in the store and we picked gifts, a woman stopped me and said, "You are so patient with your kids. You are such a great mom and I just have to tell you that." I nearly cried as I thanked her and expressed my love for my children. I relate this not to say I'm a great mom - I'm so far from patient at times - but rather to note that God works in mysterious ways. This stranger made my day and encouraged me during a difficult time. It was just what I needed.

My house is not cleaner and I'm still tired but I am challenged once again to selflessly love my children and husband, meet their needs, and to pray daily for strength beyond what seems possible. I truly love being a wife and mom to my men and I desperately needed this reminder. There is light at the end of the tunnel. So thank you to the kind lady in Target for encouraging my heart today - you probably had no idea how much it blessed me.

Our 2nd Gotcha Day!

Little did we know two years ago (well even 3 months ago!) that we would add another beautiful boy to our family. Three boys! Our hearts overflow with love and thankfulness. We had a great time taking pictures to commemorate this day.

We spent the day celebrating! Andrew took all three of the boys out to breakfast - he was very brave! :) I appreciated the extra rest - I am so blessed to be married to such a thoughtful, loving man. All the boys had a GREAT time! After the boys rested, we headed to the local living history museum to visit the animals and enjoy the historical areas. We had an ice cream treat and the boys each chose a slate and soapstone from the gift shop. They were so pleased to be there - running all over the place with uncontainable excitement. :) The weather was so perfect and made for a really delightful trip. Here are a few pictures from the museum:

Our friends, Jennie and Darrin, hosted a party today to celebrate milestones for their family so we ended our day by stopping in to share in their joy! The boys were thrilled to go to a party. :)

It was such a wonderful day of reflection and family time - we love telling the boys their story and they loved that this was their special day. :) We truly cannot express how blessed we are. When we began the process to adopt from Kazakhstan, we had no idea where the journey would lead us; we could not have asked for more perfect-for-us children. We knew when we married that we wanted to adopt some day and we are so incredibly thankful for God's perfect timing and clear leading.

On this day, I especially remember the women who gave birth to our precious boys - how I wish I could thank them and let them know that Calvin and Patrick are doing great. I wish for them to know how much we love the boys and what a happy family we are. I wish for them to have peace in their hearts with the knowledge that the boys are taken care of and loved. I wish for Calvin's birthmom to know how great he looks and how brave he was. I wish for them to know that we think of them and that we love them for the tremendous gift we have been given.

SURPRISE!!!! VERY BIG NEWS!!!!

Well, we have had one of the most eventful, amazing, overwhelming, and surprising weeks. :) How's that for a start?

Last Thursday, I came home to a message from the adoption agency we used for the boys telling us that they had a potential birthmom and wondered if we were interested or if we knew of anyone that might be interested. To say I was shocked by this message is an understatement! I quickly called Andrew and told him I had already promised the boys a trip to the pool but would call the agency back at nap time to see what was up. Andrew couldn't believe I could possibly wait. :) He called to get the details and then called me back. We immediately knew that we were to say yes. Andrew called the agency right back (they had called several families) and said we would be interested. The next step was for the birthmom to learn about us and decide if she was interested in us. To make a long story short, within 12 hours of the initial phone call we found out the birthmom wanted to meet us!

We were ecstatic and shocked. We have been planning to begin the adoption process again and had even met with a different organization and planned to sign with them very soon. We had also planned to begin our homestudy in June but due to illness on our part and the social worker being on vacation it had been delayed. Wednesday night, we had the discussion about whether we should delay a little longer or go ahead and Thursday came THE CALL. We woke up Friday and wondered if it had all been a dream and have had the deer-in-the-headlights, pinch-me-is-this-real feeling ever since.

So we found out yesterday that today would be the day that we would meet C. We drove to KY and had lunch with her. I had put together a small photo album of our family to show her and she brought pictures of her daughter. We really, really liked her and she liked us! She would like for us to parent the baby - yes, she chose us! She will call us when she goes into labor!

Here's an important detail, she is due on August 30 - yes, approximately 6 weeks from now! And the other important detail, IT'S A BOY! We are SO EXCITED and SOOOO SURPRISED!!!! It's been hard to hold in for the past week but we wanted to wait until after we knew if the birthmom had chosen us since we really weren't in process. :)

Here are a few more details - birthmoms do change their minds over half the time and while we do not feel that is very much of a risk in this situation, we are still cautious. The main concern is some potential birthfather issues - we are really praying that it will not cause problems. We pray for her and we pray for the baby that whatever the outcome, it will be the best for all involved. We will travel to KY for the birth - she thinks she may go early. We are not sure how long we will be there - maybe a couple of weeks.

So our lives are a little turned upside down right now - in a good way. And if you see us smiling cheesy smiles that won't stop, you'll know why. :) They boys don't quite understand but they are looking forward to a baby (they have been for awhile, now!). They assure us that they will be big helpers. :) Anyway, God may be growing our "meant-to-be" family very soon!

If you had told me a week ago that I would be writing this post, I would NOT have believed you - this is so unexpected!! And if you have any newborn things you don't need anymore, please send them our way. We weren't planning on this and don't have much - we thought we would have awhile whenever we did start the process! :) So, SURPRISE! It looks like we are probably going to be parents again!

On Green Living

My husband is an environmental attorney and while that has spurred on our interest in green living it has not dictated it. We are conservative, pro-life Christians and you don't often hear of environmental awareness accompanying our views - I think that is too bad. While we perhaps don't agree with some of the hyped problems (and resulting solutions), we do know that as Christians we have been given the responsibility of stewardship here on earth. When God created man, He gave us dominion over the earth and gave direct commands to care for and subdue the earth. I hardly see how this doesn't directly apply to us today. It is an undeniable fact that pollution, waste, and chemicals are at an all time high. Sometimes (maybe often) these go so far as to effect people's home, lives, and health (all are my husband's area of work) and yet, we often continue to deny that it has anything to do with us personally.

While we've been somewhat conscious of all of this, we became very convicted of our personal responbility last year. The 6th commandment is, "Thou shalt not kill," which also means, "Thou shalt preserve life." So our journey in green living started with that realization. We have a responsibility to decrease our physical impact on this earth that God has given us to live on. We are still figuring out what this means. We are not vegans or vegatarians, we do still drive an SUV and a mini-van, we do not "hug trees", but we do desire to make practical changes that will lower our impact on the physical world.

Some of the things we are trying to do:

• buy locally as much as possible
• grow/produce some of our own food
• take reusable bags to the store or (if we forget) reuse or recycle the bags we do get
• use nalgenes for portable water rather than bottled water
• leave our a/c (when on) set higher
• turn off lights
• multitask with the oven
• wash clothes on cold more
• convert to non-chemical cleaners (in process)
• switch to eco-friendly laundry soap (does an awesome job and smells great!)
• use a reel mower
• drive less
• donate
• recycle newspapers, cans, bottles, and plastic
• buy used
• teach our children how to be better stewards

Some things we are planning to do:

• start a compost (we've kind of done this)
• buy recycled paper goods when we do need/want them
• use cloth diapers at least some of the time (I can't believe I'm saying that!) if we are blessed with more children
• use newspaper instead of paper towels in the kitchen and for cleaning
• switch to cloth napkins
• buy a hybrid car (eventually - it would not be good stewardship to do this right now :))

I would contend that most of those changes have very little impact on the convenience of daily living. Some of them may take a little extra time but in the long run, I know it's worth it. We don't obsess over green living and sometimes we fail more often than we succeed but we do try. We are enjoying this journey and finding it fun to see where else we can make changes. I'm thankful for my husband's leadership, encouragement, excitement, and research that have really pushed us to think beyond ourselves. He has challenged our family to make changes, read books, look ahead, and most of all to honor God.

We had a wonderful time at the Green Festival in Chicago (back in May) and while we didn't agree with everything, we learned alot. It was an interesting gathering of people from all types of backgrounds. I think as we make changes and are committed to conservation, we gain a hearing with many people. It's another way to be a witness since our reasons for green living are usually a little different than the average eco-friendly person. I offer this post as the reason we have chosen greener living and as a challenge to those who haven't given it much thought - neither had we until recent years. You can make a difference with a little effort and a little change.

Quote

**I found this post that I started in November and never finished. I was again challenged by this quote and decided to go ahead and publish it.**

We should determine, then, to recognize and acknowledge all the gifts of the Creator: the glory of the heavens and the earth, of mountain, river, and sea, of forest and flowers, of birds,beasts and butterflies, and of the intricate balance of the natural environment. We celebrate the unique privileges of our humanness (rational, moral, social, and spiritual), as we were created in God's image and appointed his stewards; the joys of gender, marriage, sex, children, parenthood and family life, and of our extended family and friends. We appreciate the rhythm of work and rest, of daily work as a means to cooperate with God and serve the common good, and of the Lord's day when we exchange work for worship; the blessings of peace, freedom, justice, and good government, and of food and drink, clothing and shelter; and our human creativity expressed in music, literature, painting, sculpture and drama, and in the skills and strengths displayed in sport.

-John Stott, Fighting the Good Fight

I appreciate the all-encompassing nature of this quote. And while I would contend that our work and everything we do should be a part of our daily worship of God, I think that Stott's point is that on the Lord's day we rest from our normal labor and join in corporate worship. It's amazing how acknowleding the Lord in every aspect of our lives, leads to gratitude and appreciation for Him as our Creator and Sustainer.

This is also a great reminder that all of our gifts and abilities are given to us by the Lord. I truly believe that He enjoys seeing us use the talents He has blessed us with - whether that is cooking, writing, playing sports, sewing, researching...you fill in the blank. I think really seeing our abilities as gifts from an all-wise God and as pleasing to Him, should challenge us to make the time to put them to good use!

Much more could be observed from this quote but I think I'll close here.

It's a God Thing

I haven't written much about our upcoming speech transition. Calvin will be 3 in about 3 weeks and will no longer be eligible for 1st Steps speech therapy. We are so sad to say goodbye to our wonderful therapist, Renee.

Anyway, we had our 2nd meeting (Calvin's screening) with the school the day after we arrived home from Iowa - the first meeting was in December. I came away from this appointment feeling VERY discouraged. It's not that they weren't nice...I'm not even exactly sure what it was. I just got the impression that they were trying to find more problems and already "knew" he must have them if he was adopted and had a cleft. While we don't want to ignore any issues, we really don't have other concerns (other than the speech) at this time. I also almost felt guilty for not having him in a Mom's Day Out or class or something even though we make a point of having play dates and doing other things.

It's all been weighing heavily on my mind. We talked with the speech pathologist at Shriner's and got her perspective on some of it - she gave us an article to give the school so they would use the proper speech techniques for a cleft kid which are different. We discussed preschool, speech, development etc. Andrew and I have also been talking almost daily about what to do. We just really want to feel peaceful about the decision we make for Calvin and we want to make sure he is getting the best help possible.

Friday, I grumbled a little as I headed to work - I was tired after our big trip on Thursday and just didn't feel like being bubbly for my patients. 7:30 a.m. was my very first appointment and I noticed that the patient happened to work as a speech pathologist. I made small talk for a few minutes and then asked her about her work. It just so happens, that craniofacial anomalies are her specialty and especially clefts - she works with a local team of doctors and other professionals.

We discussed Calvin's past, treatment, speech, and school evaluation as well as our experience with a local hospital. She was so kind and so compassionate and listened to my concerns, offered advice and gave me the best news: our insurance should cover private therapy since it is related to a medical condition! I had not even considered this as a possibility. She does private sessions as does the other pathologist she works with. She also explained how correctable speech errors are with children who have had clefts and that they usually have a very good prognosis in a short amount of time. She gave me her number and e-mail but most of all, she gave me hope and encouragement!

As I called Andrew to let him know of my Divine Appointment, I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes. She was exactly who I needed to meet on Friday (it was interesting to both of us that we had never met - through dental or cleft stuff). She told me to contact her at any time for advice, 2nd opinion, or whatever else. What a blessing. I am so encouraged. We see our pediatrician next week and I plan to ask for a speech therapy referral to the hospital and to discuss the other concerns I've had since talking to the school.

Teachable Moments

Hear my son, your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching; indeed they are a graceful wreath to your head and ornaments about your neck.
Proverbs 1:8-9

I read this passage yesterday and was reminded and challenged. What an awesome responsibility we have as parents and for me, specifically, as a mom. I spend all day with our children and have such an opportunity to continually instill in them the truth of God's Word. It is truth that will last and I pray that it will have a lasting impact on our boys.

I'm reminded that I need to view each time of discipline as an opportunity to further train my children in righteousness. And to seize each teachable moment and use it for God's glory. This is the joyous and sometimes difficult calling God has given me as a mother. I'm humbled by such a serious responsibility.

It has been such a delight this year to hear our boys begin to form their own prayers and to learn the Psalms & songs we sing together as a family. My desire is that we continually build on that foundation. I love to see them excited to worship the Lord and joyjully joining in the congregational singing and prayers at church. It is truly the most rewarding part of being a mom. It's easy to focus on the areas that need improvement and miss the ways that Calvin & Patrick are growing and maturing.

I'm thankful for my parents' faithful instruction and correction during my growing up years. As we raise our children, I pray that we will glorify and honor God and I pray that my children will walk with the Lord all the days of their life.

I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth.
3 John 1:4

Struggles

Today, I'm just struggling with some things (FYI: it has nothing to do with my husband and children). Sometimes demonstrating love and tolerance to others is the hardest thing in the world. Instead I want to point out hurts and wrongs in a very unkind way.

I spent a 1/2 hour on the phone with one of my wisest counselors (my dad :)) and vented. I needed to talk and he was the right person for the unpleasant job. He wisely advised me to really consider how far to take things and how to address a current issue as well as just listening and understanding. In the grand scheme of things, I know that this is really nothing but it doesn't feel that way today. And it probably won't tomorrow either.

Sometimes life is so unbelievably hard and frustrating. Sometimes I just want to push the "easy" button displayed in all those commercials. But I know in my heart that God uses the challenges to convict me and to further sanctify me. Why does it have to be so painful?!

So friends, pray for me if you will. I'm having a bad day and I need to fix my attitude. The problem is that I really don't want to. There I said it. I'm not ready to let go of this issue. I want to think about it, to justify my feelings, to feel mad, and to complain. I want everyone to see my side of things and agree with me. Yeah, it's a pretty ugly reality and I'm ashamed.

I pray that God may be glorified in me despite me. May He challenge me and give me grace and strength in difficult circumstances. And may He change my heart and fill it with understanding and love for others.