Friday, October 12, 2007


Today, I'm just struggling with some things (FYI: it has nothing to do with my husband and children). Sometimes demonstrating love and tolerance to others is the hardest thing in the world. Instead I want to point out hurts and wrongs in a very unkind way.

I spent a 1/2 hour on the phone with one of my wisest counselors (my dad :)) and vented. I needed to talk and he was the right person for the unpleasant job. He wisely advised me to really consider how far to take things and how to address a current issue as well as just listening and understanding. In the grand scheme of things, I know that this is really nothing but it doesn't feel that way today. And it probably won't tomorrow either.

Sometimes life is so unbelievably hard and frustrating. Sometimes I just want to push the "easy" button displayed in all those commercials. But I know in my heart that God uses the challenges to convict me and to further sanctify me. Why does it have to be so painful?!

So friends, pray for me if you will. I'm having a bad day and I need to fix my attitude. The problem is that I really don't want to. There I said it. I'm not ready to let go of this issue. I want to think about it, to justify my feelings, to feel mad, and to complain. I want everyone to see my side of things and agree with me. Yeah, it's a pretty ugly reality and I'm ashamed.

I pray that God may be glorified in me despite me. May He challenge me and give me grace and strength in difficult circumstances. And may He change my heart and fill it with understanding and love for others.


Barbie said...

I don't know what your struggle is but I AM praying for you. It is so easy to hold on to things. I was there not too long ago, holding on to bitterness. The situation has not changed but I went on a womens retreat and God reminded me to take the focus off of ME and put it on HIM. That is not always the easy thing to do. I hope you feel better soon.

Monica said...

I appreciate your honesty.

It is so wonderful that you can go to your Dad for things like these and know that you are going to hear the truth of the matter.

You're in my prayers.

Andrew & Alaina said...

Thanks so much for the prayers! I'm doing much better today and have a better perspective!

Micah & Brad said...

Oh boy, do I know how you feel!!! I have been "holding on" to something that I need to let go, but in the world's eye I am completely justified to hold a grudge about. I know what you mean about not wanting/being ready to let it go. It has created a LOT of sleepless nights for me. I'm glad to see that you're getting better :). Now pray for me!!!

We are in town! We have been here for 1 week now. I'm sorry I haven't let you know anything! We're slightly settled, but not anywhere close to where we need to be :). We'll be in TN this coming up weekend, but we'll get together soon!!! We're so excited to be close to you all! Love you!

Kevin & Amy said...

Well, if it's any encouragement, several weeks ago I had similar feelings. Except that I sent an e-mail when I was still semi-emotional (very bad thing to do) and only hinted at a frustration toward the person I was having those feelings against. Then I waited like five days to hear back, worrying, and feeling like I was back in grade school with all the doubts of a child. Now I'm over it and things are better (tho' not completely straightened out). We all have days with frustration, hurts, and doubts. So, I feel for you!!


P.S. You hid it well at the event that night. I wouldn't have known you had a bad day!