Choosing Joy

I frequently find myself encouraging my children to "Choose Joy." A message as much for them as for me. :) I think joy can come naturally and there are events and things that make joy easy, but I also feel that joy (and contentment) is a choice. 

As I validate emotions in our home (it's okay to feel ___________, but how you handle it is the issue), it makes me introspective. What do I model? How do my children see me deal with a range of emotions? 

Joy is a beautiful thing. Joy in the midst of suffering is challenging. Joy is often a choice. Even in the midst of being real and honest, I desire to live a life defined by quiet joy. It's easy to focus on things that are worrying or scary or uncertain, but worrying doesn't really do us any good and it takes a toll on your health. So much easier said than done. So much easier. 

Anyway...I'm currently finding joy in: 

- a deepened relationship with God. 

- decluttering and simplifying life - what a process! 

- hearing my kindergartner learn to read.

- reading an advanced copy of "For the Love" by Jen Hatmaker.

- anticipating a trip to Montana with my husband...by ourselves. 

- enjoying the start of spring.

- spending time with my children playing games, reading, and watching movies.

- blogging a little bit more - both here and at The Cooks Next Door.

- knowing that we are in the last 2 1/2 months of the school year. 

- looking forward to the birth of another niece or nephew in the summer.

- cooking - it has been awhile since I have enjoyed it, but I'm back to trying a few new recipes!

- working with a wonderful team. 

There are many other things I can list, but these are a few. 

Speaking of joy - look at these delighted faces! We have a new cousin (niece) who was born in November. We could not be more thrilled - isn't she a doll?! These big cousins were so excited that she came to visit (she lives far away) at New Years. Emmi is especially happy to not be the only girl anymore. 

Priorities

It's not a coincidence that the two books I've been reading lately have to do with priorities, busyness, and people... I didn't set out for it to be that way, but God fully ordained that these would be my books of late because both of them were "assigned." I use that term very loosely. :)

Making Memories at the Children's Museum at Christmas time!

What a blessing to me to take a step back and evaluate. I've felt the gentle nudge for awhile that I need to say 'yes' to my kids more and make more time to just be with them. Laundry and dishes and housework ARE important (and a clean-ish house makes me a happy lady), but they will always be there. They are endless and repeating. My children are growing up - the oldest two turn TEN (10!!!) this year. I'm feeling it. They will not always be here.

I've pondered what I want their childhood memories to be - me stressed and snappy and always too busy or us making time for one another and saying YES to the book or the walk or the movie or the cuddles. My goal is to not only say 'yes' but to create and welcome individual and family time with my sweet blessings. And while I cannot ignore the needs of our home, I can prioritize more efficiently and delegate more effectively.

Parenting has been HARD the past year or so (really a few years) - beyond the average kid drama because it is clearly compounded by early trauma and painful loss which results in actual brain change. Some days it's a challenge to want to nurture certain kiddos because I am just so over the hard and so angry and frustrated with the actions and words (and so hurt). It is in those moments that I know I need to be the most present. I'm working on this - we ALL are. Besides loving Jesus, the main thing I want to teach my children is to love people well. That starts in the home.

I need to stop making excuses of busyness/housework and show up consistently. My husband and children need it. I must refuse to accept that life is too busy and ignore the truly important things (Jesus and people). Yes, we have busy days and weeks and months and seasons, but that cannot replace our commitment to growing in grace, spending time with our children, and taking care of ourselves.

So, we are here loving one another, forgiving one another, and making time for one another. I'm feeling challenged and encouraged and renewed.

(Oh and I commend to your reading Crazy Busy by Kevin DeYoung. It's a quick read and well worth the time.)

A Favorite Picture

I know I've probably said this a million times about all of my kids...but this little guy has brought so much joy to each of our lives. He is such a happy baby and sweet to his brothers and even the dog. As #3, he is developing quickly since he desperately wants to keep up with his adoring big brothers. He would much rather play with their toys than his own and just this past week he has even started standing on his own.

This time last year, we had no idea how much our lives would change in only a few short months. I think it's fair to say that every member of our family is delighted that God brought Ty into our family.

I love this picture of my baby and me - though I often find aspects of this stage in life challenging, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm constantly reminded how blessed I am with my three beautiful boys and amazing husband. I never want to take these years for granted.

Making It Work

We are debating all of the sleeping arrangements in our house. We have three bedrooms. Currently, Calvin & Patrick share and Titus has been sleeping in the guest room (his main crib is in their room but that isn't working). I think we are going to trade beds with my parents and let them use our guest queen and we'll use one of their twins.

We have been debating whether to just put Titus in that room or whether to separate the boys and put one of them with Titus and give the other one his own room. You see, bed time has not been fun lately - the boys keep each other up, get out of bed, and just generally aren't minding very well. BUT when we put them in separate rooms, everything is way better. We really want them to be successful in the obedience and sleep departments and we truly want bedtime to be a positive, good time.

Since we aren't moving any time soon, we have to come up with a new plan. So I think (as much as this pains me), we are going to have to give up having a dedicated guest room. We love having overnight company but the reality is that this is the house God has given us (we really do like it - we just built it before kids! :)) and we need to make it work the best that we can for our family. We will still have a hide-a-bed and an air mattress and an extra twin bed but it won't be quite the same. :)

Now we have to determine who goes in what room. I'm excited to see how these changes (and the new black out curtains) will work to improve bed times, nap times, and even cleaning. I'm sure that some day they may be able to share a room again, but I really think this will be the best way to make things better and to give them success.

On another note, Titus has been sleeping MUCH better. We've been able to drop the late night bottle - he has a bottle right at bedtime (between 8 and 9) and then he has been sleeping until 5:30 or 6. This is truly amazing! I'm not ready to say it's a permanent change yet, but it has been great for the past week or so. Maybe it will stick!

Spending Time with Great-Grandparents

My mom, the boys and I had the privilege of visiting my grandparents for a few hours during Spring Break week. It was fun and the boys just love all of their grandparents and great-grandparents. I'm so thankful they have a chance to know my grandparents. We have been blessed with a tremendous heritage. Here are just a few pictures from our visit.

The "Grandpa Trap" - I think every grandkid has been caught in this many times. :)

Visiting about school and games.

Titus charming everyone :) - they hadn't seen him since Nov. He has changed a lot!

The boys with my grandparents. Such wonderful times building memories.

A Look Back

Since Calvin celebrated his birthday this week, I thought it would be fun (at least for me :)) to look back at each of his birthdays with us. The first we had the privilege of celebrating with him as our son was when he turned 2 (he came home October of 2006 and turned 2 in April 2007). Here is a pic from each year - I can't believe how much he has changed!

2007

2008

2009

My Heart

I'm often asked if it's been great having a newborn and while my answer is yes, I have absolutely loved it, it's been a bit bittersweet. The past 8 months have also been very hard - hard as I more fully realize the neediness of infants. It pains my heart that I wasn't able to be there for my other two. I feel so sad that they didn't have someone nurturing and taking care of them. And while I know that their caregivers did the best that they could and they loved our children (that was clear), the reality is that they couldn't possibly attend to every need. So while these months have been so fun watching Ty grow and develop, they have also deeply touched my heart. It has effected my parenting style and parenting decisions. I definitely tend towards attachment parenting and I know it's because of our experience in the orphanages and our experience now as parents of a newborn.

So you see, my heart has been heavy in the midst of joy. It has been amazing and I wouldn't trade our experiences for the world but that won't stop the sad realization of the months we missed and of the children now who are waiting. But I'm so thankful for each of my children and thankful that God knew when each of them needed to come to us. I'm thankful for their growth and development and the many, many moments we do get to enjoy!

And I hug my kids a little closer, spoil them just a little, and pray.

Birthday in Pictures!

The Birthday Boy - anxiously awaiting present time! :)

Who isn't excited by a pile of presents?!

Patrick watched as Calvin unwrapped the gift he choose to give him - 2 monster trucks. He was happy that Calvin wanted to share. :)

This was his main gift...

He started to realize what it was...

He was thrilled! After weeks of air guitar and using books, arms, elbows etc. as guitars, he now has one to play. He loves music and has been enamored with guitars especially!

The face of a happy musician.

The cake coming his way....

Blowing out the 4 candles.

A delighted boy!

The Orange Racecar Cake! I was pretty happy with the way it turned out but the real test was whether Calvin liked it - he chose a chocolate cake and I filled it with strawberry filling. Yum!

Calvin's 4!

Dear Calvin,

Can you really be 4? It seems like yesterday that you came into our lives and forever changed them for the better.

Calvin, you are an amazing son. You are affectionate and sweet. Every time you tell me that you love me, I melt even more. I love every single hug and kiss. And I love that you still like to sit on my lap and cuddle.

You have worked so hard this year on speech and wow, you have come such a long way! Your dad and I are so proud of you. You are learning so much at school and your teacher tells us you are doing well. You are artistic and creative and still a ham. Just recently you have really started to tease us and make jokes. One of your highest compliments is, "Mom, you're p[f]unny." Your eyes are constantly dancing with mischief.

This past year, you visited the beach for the first time and loved it! You also helped us welcome your baby brother and have excelled even more as a big brother. I love hearing the pride in your voice as you tell your friends, "This is OUR baby."

I am still in awe that God chose you to be our son. I cannot imagine our family any other way. I love you forever and always, no matter what.

Happy 4th Birthday, Calvin!

Love,
Mommy

"Camping Out"

Last week, for spring break, I combined several of the ideas into one fun day. :) The weather wasn't very nice so we set up camp inside. We "roasted" marshmallows on forks over our pretend fire (I missed getting a picture of it) and made s'mores. I set up the tent with sleeping bags and pillows and got the boys' camp chairs out. I popped popcorn and the watched Wall-E - all in the middle of the day. I think they had a good time! Here are a few pictures:

These two are tight and she loves all the attention.

Cheesing for the camera in his camp chair.

The "campsite." You can see the "fire" in the lower left corner.

The tent - ready for "outdoor" fun!


Pippi thought it was so comfy and great. :)

Thanks for all the great suggestions. I've tucked several away for future use! I'm pretty sure I'll need some creative ideas for this summer!

Easter Basket Fun

Waiting to check out their Easter baskets...er...buckets!

Titus was totally in on the action. :)

Showing Great-Grandma how Pez worked and getting help re-loading it.

Pez was definitely a hit and I think everyone had an appetizer of grape or orange Pez candy. :)

Pippi, basking in the sun and enjoying all of the people!

Our Handsome Little Men

I was so excited to find matching outfits in all of their sizes - I know they won't let me do that for very long. :) And yes, Titus has been drooling like crazy - at least it's not spit-up! Natural smiles are hard to come by these days and we never seem to capture all three but I was happy with this attempt. I'll post more Easter pics this week as well as photos from our spring break fun. :)

Taking the Night Off

Tonight is my night off. :) Andrew has been working a lot already this week (til midnight both of the past nights), so tonight he is doing the bedtime routine and caring for the kids. I made dinner and now I'm headed out to do some grocery shopping - I can't believe I'm actually excited about it. It's been a long first part of the week with Ty's teething and little boys testing boundaries. I'm looking forward to a few hours of alone time - well, my sister is going with me. The boys asked why I was going and I told them that I loved them, so I needed to go out for a little bit. :) They accepted my explanation and are so happy that Daddy is home that I won't be missed much. So I'm off for a night on the town...er...at least a break. :)

Another First

My poor baby is teething - his first. He is miserable - clingy, irritable, tired... I can't believe how many firsts we have had in the last week; I guess when it rains, it pours. :) Hopefully the teeth will come in quickly - one is almost there and the other one will be a little longer. In the mean time, I'm bracing myself for a tough week or two. Titus is not much of a complainer, so I know he must be feeling pretty bad.

A Scare

Last night, the baby must have picked something off the floor and started choking on it. He still had air moving but he threw up a couple times, screamed & cried, and held his breath. He is okay but it was a terrifying few minutes. We never saw what it was and we were watching him when it happened, so I'm not sure. I'm realizing again how vigilant we all must be and I've been talking to/reminding the boys about taking responsibility for their things. So today, I'm once again incredibly thankful for God's protection and praising Him for His kindness to us.

Firsts

Yesterday was haircut day and Titus had his first haircut. It has been getting in his eyes, so I decided it was time. He did great! (I'm the family barber. :)) It probably needs a little more trimming but it will do for now!

Titus also started pulling himself to standing on everything yesterday (crawling on Tuesday, standing on Wednesday - yikes!). He is SO proud of himself. He is quite accomplished at standing one handed or no handed (just leaning against the table or furniture) and he can even play at the table. I'm afraid we may have an early walker - he is a very determined little boy. :)

Waging War, Fighting Battles

So, the past few weeks have been pretty horrible in terms of sleep - particularly the last week or so. We have been forced to wage war and every night is a battle. We went from having a baby who slept decently...not great...but decently, to one who wakes up every 2-3 hours. It is miserable for all of us. We've tried different methods and strategies and so far, not much is working. The kicker - he wakes up happy and smiley every single morning and we wake up feeling worse by the day.

I'm about to break down and call the pediatrician for more ideas and I've seriously considered breaking the bank ordering books on sleep. Our sweet kiddo is S-T-U-B-B-O-R-N when it comes to sleep. I've read differing perspectives over the last several months and we've tried pretty much all of them with seemingly little success (and yes, we try them for longer than one night :)).

Our doctor would like us to start phasing out his last bottle (between 10:30 and midnight) but we aren't even close to doing that (though we were the last time he had a check-up) - I'm just trying to not feed him in the middle of the night. We are having some success with that; he does go back to sleep and doesn't seem really hungry, just bored and lonely. Did I mention that he's very social? :)

Anyway, I'm a little sleep deprived - I think Andrew and I are averaging 4-5 hours of interrupted sleep a night. I think it's worse than when he was a newborn. We are praying that consistency will pay off and he will start to sleep like a champ or at least give us a good 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. No wonder I've been taking a nap almost every day.

Oh and I should positively note that naps have gotten better - he is, for the most part, taking longer than a cat nap. Although, perhaps it is effecting his nights? Let's hope not. And on one final positive note, our other boys have been sleeping great! You may remember that we have one that sleep walks and we've just generally had trouble with one or both getting up at night, so we are thankful to only have one kid not sleeping well!

Sigh...I know we will get through this and we will probably/maybe forget how hard it's been. We had one other son that had serious sleep issues and I think I've pretty successfully blocked out that challenge. In the mean time, I'm catching zzz's whenever I have a chance and reviewing the books with chapters on sleep. :)

And We're Growing Up

Today I was informed by my two oldest sons that not everyone liked the snack we provided for school (raisins, cheese curls, and apple juice). I was given a list of who liked what and was told that one of the kids claimed he had brought the snack.

I suddenly realized that we have crossed in to a whole new stage - the one where kids actually start noticing and discussing everything. I'm not sure I'm ready for it! I guess, for starters, we'll bring a different snack next time because we certainly don't want to be the kids who bring bad snacks. :)

And another stage we've crossed in to - crawling. Titus started fully crawling today. My goodness, it's been a big day at our house.

7 Months...

...and ever so sweet! He loves to pose for the camera!
More pictures on the boys' blog.

Ordinary

Your comments to my blog birthday post were so kind and so very humbling.

I'm really just an ordinary girl who:
-Never gets enough sleep.
-Loses patience with her kids more times than she would like to admit in a day.
-Struggles with motivation.
-Occasionally feeds her family cereal for supper.
-Is so far behind on scrapbooks that they will probably never happen.
-Gets frustrated with people and situations.
-Doesn't dust regularly.
-Sometimes makes food that doesn't turn out well.
-Likes that her boys paint at school so she doesn't have the mess at home.
-Can't keep up with laundry.
-Has every once in awhile stayed in pajamas for the whole day.
-Crunches more ice than you can imagine.
-Too often makes coffee, pours a cup, and then gets two sips before it's cold.

Yep, my life is mostly crazy. And I definitely don't get everything done - I'm not crafty, my closets still need cleaned out (maybe by the end of the month?), and I have a baby who prefers cat naps to anything longer.

But I do:
-Love the Lord.
-Love my husband & kids.
-Try to keep it real.
-Enjoy good food.
-Prefer organization.
-Believe in green living/stewardship.
-Feel passionate about adoption and always have.
-Have a heart for parentless children all over the world.
-Seek to always learn, to live without regrets, and to love unconditionally.

I love reading your blogs and I am reading them even when I don't get a chance to comment. I find inspiration and encouragement from so many of you! Thank you!

All that to say, I am ordinary. I am tired most of the time. My house is far, far from perfect. I have clothes to fold and laundry to run. And while writing this post, I have jumped up about 10 times as I waged a nap battle with the baby - he finally won this one and promptly spit-up everywhere. Well, dinner is not making itself so I'm off to do that. Yes, it's all in a day's work...but it's my work and my calling and I am thankful.