Thursday, April 23, 2009

My Heart

I'm often asked if it's been great having a newborn and while my answer is yes, I have absolutely loved it, it's been a bit bittersweet. The past 8 months have also been very hard - hard as I more fully realize the neediness of infants. It pains my heart that I wasn't able to be there for my other two. I feel so sad that they didn't have someone nurturing and taking care of them. And while I know that their caregivers did the best that they could and they loved our children (that was clear), the reality is that they couldn't possibly attend to every need. So while these months have been so fun watching Ty grow and develop, they have also deeply touched my heart. It has effected my parenting style and parenting decisions. I definitely tend towards attachment parenting and I know it's because of our experience in the orphanages and our experience now as parents of a newborn.

So you see, my heart has been heavy in the midst of joy. It has been amazing and I wouldn't trade our experiences for the world but that won't stop the sad realization of the months we missed and of the children now who are waiting. But I'm so thankful for each of my children and thankful that God knew when each of them needed to come to us. I'm thankful for their growth and development and the many, many moments we do get to enjoy!

And I hug my kids a little closer, spoil them just a little, and pray.

7 comments:

BRiehl said...

Thanks for sharing your heart. It's hard to get images out of our heads and hearts, especially concerning our children, isn't it? When Raegan was first born I cried and cried and thanked God that she was born to us and not to some crack head somewhere...I have such a heavy burden for those children that were not born to good parents and are not yet adopted. Unfortunately my husband has not been given the same burden, so I pray. Thanks to your heart, I have a new sense of what to pray for. Thanks.

Heather said...

So touching. Thank you for sharing.

Gretchen said...

So true. I feel the same way about my boys.

kitzkazventure said...

So sweet. Adoption affects your heart in so many ways, doesn't it?...way more than I ever could have imagined!

Monica said...

Yet another aspect of adoption that I haven't thought about. Thanks for sharing your heart on the issue.

All your boys are blessed by God to have you as their mom. They will never remember any day that you weren't in it. I'd say that's a pretty incredible gift right there.

Katie @ Heart Gone Walking said...

The first time I ever thought about adoption was shortly after Madeline was born. I couldn't stop sobbing one night when I realize that somewhere, little babies weren't being held or loved on. Your family and several other friends have opened my heart and eyes more and more to the miracle of adoption. Thanks for this post.

Rona's Home Page said...

Thanks alot. Now I have to explain why I'm misty.
No problem. I share your emotion. Children are such a blessing.
I never knew I would love Marcus as much as I do. These 17 years have been challenging and fun. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.