Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Sporadic

I'm struggling with feeling overwhelmed by life. I have several things to blog about (and lots of pictures) but lack the creative or mental energy and the time. So, I'm giving myself permission to not blog. I try to do it nearly daily because it's a good discipline for me but it may be sporadic for awhile. Life takes interesting turns and while I'm SO incredibly thankful for the current path, it's a busy one! It's strange to be expecting a third child but without ever having experienced a newborn and I'm very nervous. Really, the prospect of three with two being very energetic preschoolers and one being a totally new stage makes me feel a little panicky.

You can pray for me as I prepare and trust the Lord that He knows what He's doing. I truly can't wait to be a mom again! I pray that all will work out - the unknowns (birthmom changing mind and other risks) are hard. But it's an exciting time! I'm grateful for amazing blog and real-life (but sometimes far-away) friends who listen, encourage, and most of all share in our excitement. :)

For me, the way God has chosen to beautifully build our family can sometimes be a bit lonely. Adoption is not an easier way to have children, it has a different set of challenges, emotions, and pain. All sense of privacy is gone as we are required to bare nearly every part of our lives to social workers and government agencies. We are held accountable for how we raise our children, our health, our relationships our finances, our employment and whatever else is deemed important and then others determine if we are fit to be parents. I will admit that it leaves me feeling exhausted...BUT, it is completely worth it and we will do it as many times as God blesses!

So all that to say, I will keep blogging and feel free to check back but it may be less than normal or I may write this and then write 3 posts. :) Please know that I'm okay but I am a little scared and I think that's a valid emotion; I'm also a bit emotional right now and feel close to tears almost daily (we'll blame it on expectant hormones). :) Anyway, I'm just trying to keep it real here! I can't believe we are a month until the due date!

15 comments:

Jen said...

I would think you weren't normal if you weren't feeling all those things :)

Praying for you and can't wait to meet the little one.

Chris and Gretchen said...

You are completely normal to feel those things. I too have been crying a lot lately. I'm scared and happy and anxious all the time. We are embarking on an exciting new unknown journey. :) Good luck, I'm sure you will do fine. It will be a big adjustment though!

jennie said...

You are feeling exactly what every new mom feel. I mean by new mom that every time you add a new little one to the mix you are a new mom. I feel this way every time we add a new little one. The dynamics of your family are about to change. You will have a new normal, but anytime what is normal changes it is scary. You will do a great job!

Katrina said...

Keeping it real is good...:) Very very good. It's how we avoid being "happy plastic people" to quote a song...heh. Anyways, I am keeping you in my prayers! Even though you may not be posting, know that I'm still thinking of you and your family during this time! :) :) (and I can't even imagine how insanely exciting/draining it is!)

Rachel said...

If you think about it, most babies give their parents about 8 months warning before showing up to change their lives. Squeezing it all into 6 weeks would overwhelm anyone. Give yourself a break.

Think of it this way. The most important "things" that you need are diapers, formula, and a carseat. And you can buy all of those things at 24-hr Wal-mart. You guys will be fine.

Plus, a newborn can't be that much harder than bringing two little boys home on an international flight.

I can't wait to hear your news though. Exciting times.

Barbie said...

I will pray for you! I can totally relate to those mommy hormones even through adoption! Take all the time you need and remember we are here cheering you on waiting for you to come back. Love ya!

Muriel and Jerry said...

You are totally normal and I feel the same way. I am here if you need anything.

Kim said...

How exciting...but I understand the anxiety! I'll be praying for you and your new son! God is so good to give us exactly what we need in His timing!

ispeakbeanish said...

Your boys are beautiful! Congratulations on your new one on the way. Adoption is a beautiful thing even though the process can be difficult. Our cousins adopted a little girl, and she is a treasure!

Jodee Leader said...

I think it is completely normal to feel emotional right now! Hang in there!

I will be sending your new baby boy a little something in the mail tomorrow!

Noah and Josh's Mom said...

You are so right! Adoption is definitely not an easy way to form a family but 100% worth it. God will be with you every step of the way, guiding your journey. He would not give you anything you could not handle. He knows that you are a terrific mom and wants to bless you with another child to love. I will be praying!

Kim

Micah said...

Oh, honey! I can totally relate to 2 toddlers and a newborn =). You know you can call me anytime! It's busy, but FUN, and if I can do it, then I know you can!

We've got to get together. It's just been BUSY on both of our ends...

Micah said...

Do you have a name picked out yet, and if so, are you sharing?

Paula said...

I'm so with you on this one.I'm nervous and excited and scared all wrapped into one.

Loraena said...

"...the way God has chosen to beautifully build our family can sometimes be a bit lonely. Adoption is not an easier way to have children, it has a different set of challenges, emotions, and pain....BUT, it is completely worth it..."

THIS IS SO TRUE!!! But you are truly expecting a baby. Remember that this affects you physically as well as emotionally. Your hormones will start doing "pregnant" things. Give yourself permission to be an expectant mom. Get extra rest, eat lots of food. Slow down. Once you have the baby, you'll be very glad you did. You can't run into a newborn's arrival at full speed, even though with adoption it is incredibly tempting. =)