Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Knowing & Responding

Sometimes I find knowledge difficult and sometimes it makes it tough to sleep at night. My trip to Kazakhstan changed my life...again...just like the first time when we became a family of four...only different. And I don't mean that in a cliche way. This time, I experienced the country and culture in a different way - I wasn't there to grow our family and all of the stress that includes but rather, I was there to bring hope and blessing. And beyond that, I was blessed by the children and people of a country I have come to love so much. I was reminded of the fact that smiles, laughter, tears, and hugs are the same in every language.

I'm still processing the trip. Re-entry was harder than I ever imagined it would be...my emotions have been all over the place. I think about the need, the children, and the reality of their life. I don't feel guilty for the things God has blessed us with but rather, I think about what my response needs to be and I realize I can live with far less.

The baby house we visited was incredibly sad. The babies and toddlers were so understimulated. The smell, the cries, the lack of development, the little voices calling us "mama" - I will never forget. My heart ached for each of the precious little ones. I met two little boys with clefts and my heart ached a little extra for them. And I know what happens to all of these children if they are not adopted or are unadoptable and it's unspeakable.

What does God desire of me and especially of our family? It is a question I ponder daily. And I don't fully know the answer. I know that we were called to bring our oldest two home from there, I know we are to raise awareness, and I know that we are to continue giving back. Are we to bring another child into our family from Kaz? I don't know. It is a question we have been seriously pondering. The door has not opened for us at this point but we remain open to what God desires.

I know this is a weighty post. It's been much on my mind and heart. Here are a few pictures from the babyhouse (we took some treats for a party for the kids):

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

My heart aches to adopt again. To know that there are so many waiting to be adopted makes it harder. My son (from Kaz) who is 6said this morning, "I want you to put a brother on my Christmas list and I will share him with everyone!" I want this for him very much, but to be honest, the cost to adopt from Kaz keeps us from going again. I pray that God will find a way to bring a sibling to our only son Alexander. Thank you for your fotos and words.
Madeleine in St Louis

Karen and Glenn said...

Alaina, such a beautiful post. We would adopt again and again from Kaz if the road wasn't so arduous. Thank you for continuing to beat the drum as your path becomes clearer.

Jill said...

What a heart-spoken post Alaina. I sometimes feel like you do....we were taken to a small village in rural China, and those images will haunt me forever. If we could afford (and I know that makes some poeple cringe, but we are $50 grand in debt with our other 2 adoptions so please don't judge) to do it again, we would in an instant. Our homestudy expires this fall and it is killing me. I keep telling myself in His time. Hope you find where the Lord is pointing you friend :) In the meantime, thank you for sharing your trip with us.
Hugs.

Alaina said...

No judging! :) I understand! Our homestudy expires this month and it's been tough for me but we have definitely not gotten a clear answer.

Micah said...

You brought me to tears this morning :). I just can't imagine. I would love to take a similar trip some day. I am praying, praying, praying for those precious children, and orphans all over the world.