I'm still processing the trip. Re-entry was harder than I ever imagined it would be...my emotions have been all over the place. I think about the need, the children, and the reality of their life. I don't feel guilty for the things God has blessed us with but rather, I think about what my response needs to be and I realize I can live with far less.
The baby house we visited was incredibly sad. The babies and toddlers were so understimulated. The smell, the cries, the lack of development, the little voices calling us "mama" - I will never forget. My heart ached for each of the precious little ones. I met two little boys with clefts and my heart ached a little extra for them. And I know what happens to all of these children if they are not adopted or are unadoptable and it's unspeakable.
What does God desire of me and especially of our family? It is a question I ponder daily. And I don't fully know the answer. I know that we were called to bring our oldest two home from there, I know we are to raise awareness, and I know that we are to continue giving back. Are we to bring another child into our family from Kaz? I don't know. It is a question we have been seriously pondering. The door has not opened for us at this point but we remain open to what God desires.
I know this is a weighty post. It's been much on my mind and heart. Here are a few pictures from the babyhouse (we took some treats for a party for the kids):