Thursday, June 19, 2008

A Little Random

First up, Calvin had a cardiology appointment today - I posted the report here! Also, he will begin his speech therapy with his new therapist tomorrow! I'm praying this will be a smooth transition for him and he will be okay going back by himself for therapy.

Now, on with my real post, do you ever struggle with feeling completely inadequate as a wife, mother, friend etc.? This has been an interesting week. I've not felt like myself at all...I'll blame it on the medicine as it is the only new variable. :) I'm tired but struggle to sleep. I'm trying to be patient and kind and loving but finding it difficult. Hopefully things will get back to normal soon. Today was my last dose of Prednisone and I am doing better. I've opted to wait on the MRI at this time but it will be the next step if things don't resolve satisfactorily in the next week. I will not be working tomorrow to allow more time for healing.
Oh and my feeling of inadequacy is definitely not all related to this week. Sometimes I just struggle with feeling like nothing ever gets done. I clean but it's undone in about 2.1 seconds :), I do laundry only to have it stack up immediately, I make meals but struggle to get all the dishes done, and I sort papers like they're going out of style but there is no end in sight. I'm not really looking for perfection :) - I will never find it. I just would like more organization. I do NOT do well in chaos and clutter. I find it discouraging, unmotivating, and generally depressing. I like things to look nice, I want our home to be a haven for my husband and children (though it certainly doesn't bother them like it does me! :)). Maybe one of these days I'll get it together. Until then, I'm trying to not let it cloud my life but rather to nurture, love and spend time with the most important people in my life - I know that this is what God desires of me.

One final note, we were given Andrew's grandfather's old washer and it has been succesfully installed. Laundry will be on the agenda for tomorrow! Here's to hoping it works!


Monica said...

I'm reading Edith Shaeffer's book "What is Family?" and it has been a huge encouragement to me relating to these things. I'm only on chapter three, but it is encouraging me to look past what is undone to what is really being done in my family.

Sometimes, don't you just wish you could hire a maid?:)

But until then, I pray that your washing machine works like a wonder.

Catherine said...

Yes, and I don't have any medication to blame! I don't have anything helpful to add, just wanted to let you know you're not alone! :)

I hope you're feeling better soon, and great news about Calvin's heart!

Catherine said...

I just went to the library website to see if they had the book Monica mentioned in her comment above, and they do, but it's at a school. I wish they would stop putting the school books in the main system, it's such a tease!

OK, I am done ranting now.

Heather L. said...

Definately give the medicine all the blame it can! Not to mention that dealing with any kind of pain makes everything harder, especially being patient and kind. I do hope your arm gets better quickly.

Michael keeps telling me, "where there are no oxen the crib is clean." Small comfort, I say, especially when I want my house looking and feeling like a magazine. Oh well. I guess it's reality.

Andrew said...

For what it's worth (and I think it's worth something), I don't think you're inadequate at all! On the contrary, you're far beyond adequate - you're wonderful!

And by the way, I love the new format - cool, refreshing, spring-summery, and all-around aesthetically pleasing!

Andrew said...

Also, I agree with Catherine - the IMCPL should not put the school books in the general section - there have been at least 4-5 I really wanted but they won't let me check them out! Augh.

Muriel and Jerry said...

I know how you feel. I was trying to be the perfect wife, mother and lawyer ad then I realized...being perfect is just being me and life is not perfect. I am really trying to soak in every moment with Sophie because she is growing so fast and we will never get this time back

Barbie said...

Oh my goodness, we are SO alike. I wish we lived closer to one another!! I have so many of the same struggles as you do. It would be great if we could find a way to challenge one another. :-)

Muriel and Jerry said...

Okay, your husband is too sweet. :)

Karen Reyburn said...

you sound like a "Renaissance Mom" - check out the blog! (my sister)

stumbled across your blog from another friend's - God bless!